It is 4.07am now.
I'm actually glad I'm up and awake doing something meaningful like writing an entry on a blog tethering on my phone's internet because switching on the wifi in my living room is too troublesome. (It means I have to get out of my room and switch it off when I'm done!)
Tonight I'm up because for the same reasons. I'm scared that I'll forever be an insomniac though I had a proper 8hour sleep just yesterday. But these days even a good night sleep the day before doesn't lift my spirits up as well as before BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I THINK I WAS JUST LUCKY.
OH FUCK. WHEN HAVE I BECOME SO PESSIMISTIC AND HOPELESS OF MY SLEEPLESS PLIGHT. HOW BAD CAN IT GET. It's come to a point whereby I see myself getting dumb though scientifically my bf says it doesn't work that way. I can't be bothered by a lot of things now as my mind is just in zombie mode most of the time. HOW DO I LIVE LIKE THIS.
HOW CAN I ACCEPT MYSELF TO BE A ZOMBIE.
I AM FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH.
My mind is like a stuck cassette tape that keeps repeating the same verse over and over.
EVERY NIGHT I HAVE TO FUCKING FIGHT THIS.
and the worst part is no one can help.
even if they manage to help, it's just that one lucky night.
what are the chances? I really don't know what to do now.
Just stay in my bed? what am I doing with all that wasted futile attempts to sleep.
So much time wasted.
All my joys and happiness have been sucked away by this insomniac dementor.
FUCK YOU.
